I’m not. Really. I joined the spelling bee club in middle school solely because I heard they had snacks. It ended up being a bummer of an “after school activity” because I spent the majority of the time eating cookies and listening to everyone else spell words I had never heard of. Plus side, they let you eat cookies no matter how terrible you are… or how quickly you get out.
I am terrible at spelling. And English. And writing sentences (right now my computer is telling “fragment, consider revising”). Most of the time I’m not sure if I should add a comma or period or semi-colon. And so, when in doubt (or for dramatic effect), I just opt for the “triple period”…
But here’s the thing… ever since I can remember, I wrote. I wrote in journals. I wrote on paper. I wrote on windows, tables, walls… you name it- I probably wrote on it. I can’t help it. I have this odd obsession with desperately needing to process my thoughts, feelings, and experiences through writing.
Closing my eyes and praying always made me sleepy and distracted. I still struggle with it (if we’re being honest).
Writing, however, makes me focused, energized, excited. I feel in tune with God and what it is he’s saying or revealing to me.
Writing makes my world make sense.
But this was just between me and God. No one else. Then one day God started pushing me to write. To tell the world what it is he’s telling me. That freaked me out. Me? Jessica Morris? My major is in psychology and bible NOT writing or publishing or marketing or anything that qualifies me to write.
Ministry, yep. Speak, sure. Write…. no. I fought it. In fact, I’m still fighting it. I guess I just eventually gave up fighting God. I’ve learned 2 very critical facts throughout my journey:
- God ALWAYS wins.
- God ALWAYS wins.
So I gave up. & am now publicly expressing to you my defeat. But here’s what I love (and sometimes fight) about God… He doesn’t work like I want him to. He doesn’t always pick the smartest or fastest or prettiest or best of the best. In fact, it’s usually the opposite. He picks the nobody’s. The misfits. The ones who have been forgotten, neglected, overshadowed. The ones who can’t speak or write or sing or lead.
Think about it; Abraham constantly doubted God, Moses hated speaking, David was a nobody, Rahab was a prostitute, Paul was a murderer… I mean the list goes on and on. God is constantly using people who don’t fit the bill.
But here’s who God does use… obedient people.
People who are seeking and following and are obediently devoted to passionately living out God’s will. Do they do it perfectly, 100 percent of the time? Nope. Not even close. But they try. And they push. And they obediently press on even when it seems like God has called them to do the impossible.
So the point is this, yeah I wish I was more confident or poetic or faithful or intelligent or… fill in the blank and I wish I had more of it. But the thing I’ve learned along the way is that
God does his best work in my deepest insecurities.
& The more I let God use my weaknesses, the more I get glimpses into how big and mighty and powerful God really is.
So I guess, in a weird way, that’s what this blog is for me. Me putting aside my insecurities and doubts and inabilities and allowing God to speak through the words he’s placed on my heart. And that is something I am and can be confident in; God’s word.